they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
