You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
