You really coming over, don't trick.
she smelled like a LAN party
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
