You can't special order awesome
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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