You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
