It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
