Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
