Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
