We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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