Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
