I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
so much tequila, so little girl.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
