Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize