She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
