have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
