i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
