So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
