im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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