i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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