I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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