I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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