I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Randomize
