im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
you never un-have a 4some
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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