3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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