AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
