My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
