Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
