Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
