I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
