Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
