Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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