i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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