He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
They have beer where we have blood.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
