you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I believe in your delicious
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
