I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
