I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
