Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
