Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
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