There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
