i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
