You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
