playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
