tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
sarcasm needs its own font
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
