Whod you bang
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
i think my cat just said my name.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize