Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize