Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
