Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
