K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
