does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
