So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
