the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
