so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
