and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Randomize
