I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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