I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
