well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
