I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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