I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
