3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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