It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
