i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
