Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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