I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
