My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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