when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
