i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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